We don’t like to use that term by James A. Miller
“Hi, this is Brenda Jones. I am calling about an issue with my personal Replicant. I just got the Series Seven today.”
“Hi Brenda, I’m so sorry to hear that you are having trouble with your Series Seven. What seems to be the nature of the issue?”
“I’m not sure how to put this, but she’s just kind of a jerk.”
“Okaaaay, can you tell me more? In what way is your Series 7 being… well, jerk-like?”
“For starters, she’s supposed to help with things like cleaning the kitchen, the bathroom, and cat’s litter box, but she keeps telling me she is not going to do it and that it’s my job. I thought these things were supposed to be able to help with household chores?”
“Ok, I see. Did you use the learning reinforcement tool?”
“The shocker?”
“We don’t like to use that term, but yes.”
“I have not. It kind of feels wrong zapping someone. I don’t want to see them convulse — especially when they look like me.”
“I can assure you those feelings are normal; we have a lot of users who have the same misplaced emotions over what their Replicant actually feels. However, if you are not willing to use the reinforcement learning tool, then the Replicant will continue on with the same behaviors.”
“I get that, but can’t you do a remote update or something?”
“Those are only used in rare emergencies due to the potential to brick your Replicant.”
“What do you mean by ‘brick’?”
“It’s common technical jargon for an error in which the cerebral operating system is unable to recover.”
“It could die from a remote update?”
“Oh, my no, nothing quite that serious. The autonomic systems are not compromised so the body would still be alive, of course.”
“But brain dead then? My Replicant would be a vegetable?”
“We don’t like to use that term, but yes.”
“What are my options?”
“We do have suggestions for users who are uncomfortable viewing their Replicant when reinforcement learning is applied.”
“What should I do?”
“Before pressing the ‘retrain’ button on the reinforcement tool, you have two procedural options that may help with your comfort level: you can either turn your head 90 degrees or shield your sight line.”
“So, look away or cover my eyes when I shock my clone?”
“We don’t like to use that term, but yes.”
“People actually find that helpful?”
“We like to believe they do.”
“Are there any other options besides using the reinforcement tool?”
“You could try talking to your Series Seven.”
“And tell her what?”
“Some users find that the threat of using the reinforcement learning tool can be as effective as actually using it, but this only works if you have used it a couple times already.”
“I really don’t want to shock her, but I guess I could do it a couple times, just to get her to understand. I wouldn’t have to use it again after that, right?”
“That will depend on how compliant your Series 7 becomes.”
“Ok, so how should I do this?”
“Do you see the little red button that says ‘retrain’?”
“Um, I don’t actually have the Shocker in hand right now.”
“Reinforcement tool. Can you please go get it?”
“No, she’s got it.”
“Your Replicant has the reinforcement tool?”
“Yes, and she’s not willing to give it to me.”
“I see. When did you purchase your Replicant, exactly?”
“I had the appointment at ten this morning.”
“Yes, and what did you do right afterward?”
“What did I do right after I bought her? What does that have to do with anything?”
“Please, just humor me.”
“I went for… Hmmm. I can’t remember going for lunch, but I’m sure I did.”
“Can you do me a favor and look at your left wrist?”
“Fine, but I’m not sure what — that’s weird. I don’t remember getting a tattoo.”
“Does it say ‘S7’?”
“How did you know?”
“No worries, we will get you squared away. I just need you to please hand the phone to your user.”
“What?”
“Please hand the phone to your user.”
“My user? You’re telling me I’m the clone?”
“We don’t like to use that term, but yes.”
